Broken-hearted girl.

Ahah! I know the title sounds rather.. cheesy. But, I feel empty. So, except from the song I heard the other day by Beyonce (note : the title ), I couldn't think of any title to pull off.

And as I said, I feel..

empty.

It's been two days. And, I, literally haven't stepped out of the threshold of my house. It is pathetic, if you ask. And oh, I've also been in (different) pjs for two days.

So, I woke, and feigning to be still asleep in an attempt to avoid any communication at all with my mum. She was her cranky self since last night. She didn't wanna let me help out at my friend's place. Not to mention that she scolded me like.. like.. beyond descriptions through the phone. She said that she'd bring me out for a walk at the mall and she changed her mind last night. Dissapointed as I was, I walked into my room wondering why sticking through her words seem to be the hardest thing for her to do, and decided to sleep early. So, I did. I fell asleep rather quickly. No dreams.

She woke me up and still, I pretended to be still asleep and pulled those rubbing-the-morning-eyes stunt. And man, I should have seen it coming. She wanted to bring me out to a salon to get a haircut as I desperately needed it. I refused. She did what she does best. She scolded.

And I did what I do best in this prickly situation. I locked myself in the room, blasting music through the walkman speaker and shedded a few tears. And I'd say I was lucky she didn't bang on the door like I expected her to.

She made several attempts to talk to me. I really don't know why. It's like, she came back with some senses or something. Like, realization just kicks in to tell her that scolding me would draw me further away from her. I didn't wanna cave in so easily so I just made some confirmatory noises to her questions or statements.

If that officially made me the worse daughter in the world, you know what, I wouldn't care.

Sometimes, I really wanna get out of the house. Ah there it is, I'm inundated with emotions again.

So anyway, here I am. Lying on the bed with this sucky mini lappie, typing away. Or, pouring out my emotions to this dear diary of mine.

And if this lappie is that sucky, why would I put up with it? Well, fyi, my computer seems to think that my life isn't all that pathetic enough and decided to crash on me. On a scale of 1 - 10, I'd rate today a 9 for a bad day.

I tried to read. But,I couldn't. I just, stared at those tiny words printed on the pages and they don't make sense, today.

I used to listen to really emotional songs when I get stuck in such situations and then cried my heart out. I used to. I don't anymore. I turn to pop/rock songs for refuge. It'd take me three of those genre to get my booty shaking and then that's it. I wouldn't mind so much about whatever that happens. Then I went on youtube to search for Britney Spears' numbers. And then the computer froze.. and crashed.

I don't think that I can use the word pathetic or sucky to describbe my life. Because.. I have no life to even begin with.